I penned this letter to document a profound evolution in Alanna’s consciousness in un-learning and learning, shedding and adopting old and new ways of thinking and being in the world. The Work described below can definitely be expressed with greater depth and scholarship references. This blog post is not meant to teach, convince or introduce new concepts but serve only as a form of self-expression. The intention here is to take note of where Alanna has been, as a way of placing where she is now—inside of freedom and liberation—via a simple love letter to the queerness that she is in relationship with.

***

Growing up, Alanna thought she was surrounded by gay people and non-binary individuals because she was supposed to "deliver" them from bondage; yet, she was the one in chains. She used to see gay people and folx on a different gender spectrum as sinful and dammed. It was a hard core belief for 20 years of her life. This mindset was founded on a belief in a personal God that was punitive and harsh, whose love needed be earned. This worldview sees Life only through dualism, through the lens of a “right” way to do everything. Only one right way. Life has brought Alanna to a place now where she hardly recognizes the old person; and yet, the damage that old belief system has wreaked on her psyche she still feels.

***

This journey of trans-formation has been quite multi-dimensional and every process cannot be shared in detail except to say that peace has come through addressing her younger self. Alanna has made peace with the ways in which she was socialized by the strength of her Evangelical upbringing to be bigoted and judgemental—at her own detriment. Now that the mental prison doors are shaking, Alanna lives in a trans-formative state of awareness where the Universe is no longer punitive but benign. She realizes now that she does not need to prove herself but allow Life to bring her what is needed. She no longer needs a straight pathway to all things but is becoming acquainted with bearing fruit via Discovery and Spontaneity. Her living is more ease-full now as she gets acquainted with di-unital thinking. The bedrock of this profound shift is that Alanna no longer sees herself as an Object and so to objectify others; therefore, she is experiencing the interconnectedtivity of all things.

A lot has happened since her prison cell broke open. Alanna thanks mentors and many Beings whose names she does not know but who speak with her daily. Some of them may be influencing this letter. Life has blessed Alanna with LGBTQ+ friends, colleagues and family to show her what bravery looks like. There is harm in growing up so conservatively. It feels like a cloak one never takes off. A cloak that will form to your skin, your brain, and your heart. Confronted by fears on a daily basis, it is still hard for Alanna to wear clothes that reveal her arms, thighs and stomach muscles (though in the moment of drafting this she is experiencing a breakthrough in the areas of Self-love, Adornment, Indulgence and Pleasure that were not available to her even one month ago.)

Alanna never knew there would come a day where she would be grateful for the LGBTQ+ peoples she knows because in witnessing them have been set free from chains Alanna didn't know she had. G-d has placed these beings on Alanna’s path for her to bear witness of their Light, in order to inspire her own soul's freedom.

To all the LGBTQ+ people Alanna has ever known,

To the queer magick energy in the world,

Your proximity and relationship with Alanna is a liberatory force.

She has been awakened by your pride.